With the final film of this trilogy oh god... on the way, let me give out my shitty opinions on Star Wars, cause that's what every thirty something is doing on the Inter-webs
SPOILER WARNING
SO here is a quick Star wars retrospective
Star wars episode one the Phantom Menace : When you give a Director/Writer/Producer Godlike Creative control and no one to challenge him, well that's how we got these three shitty movies, the fact that the newer movies reference them sometimes and it bums me out.
Star wars episode Two Attack of the clones : see above
Star wars episode Three Revenge of the Sith : see above
Star wars episode four A New Hope : The Good Ones, Greedo shot First
Star wars episode five The Empire Strikes Back : The Best One, it showed us what a sequel could and should be, and it pioneered special effects that nothing today can top.
Star wars episode Six Return of the Jedi : I Like the ewoks, Fight me!
Star wars episode Seven The Force Awakens : Good start Did a lot of things right and just a few stupid things
Star wars episode Eight The Last Jedi : Didn't expand on the things we all wanted to see, added its own stuff, and got rid of every stupid thing Abrams did, its like this film was fighting the first one. I expect now that JJ Abrams has the reigns again hes gonna bring back all his crap and mock the last jedi.
Star wars episode Nine The Rise Of Skywalker: I wanna see it, but its probably gonna suck
Star wars Caravan of Courage : Made for TV ewok movies, Love these films cause they were part of my childhood... Either you've seen them or you haven't.
Star wars Battle for Endor : This one is so much darker, its like an early game of thrones, In the opening scenes alone the Entire Family from the First Film is Murdered leaving cindel all alone with wicket, played by 16 year old warrick davis
Star wars Xmas Special : Never seen it, don't really want to
Star wars Rouge One : You cant make a film on Nostalgia alone, we didn't need this film, we don't need gaps of story filled in they are just parts to a larger story, and we only care about the larger story.
Star wars Solo a Han Solo Star wars story? : Young Han and Chewy robbing stuff was fun, Why couldn't that have been the movie?, why did we need crammed in universe building?
Disneys Star Wars The Mandalorian : Watch it, its simple and Fun, I laughed at jawa murder... I dont have Disney plus... PLZ don't tell Disney!
Top Ten Things the New Star wars Did wrong!
- Number 10 Kylo Ren wants to finish what Darth Vader started? Does he wanna be a Knight for a space wizard? cause he already is.
- Number 9 Blowing up Star killer base, why did it need to blow up?, why couldn't they have just crippled the weapon? It would have been a looming threat in all the next films.
- Number 8 Luke not wanting to help, yes him being alone made sense and the fact that he wanted to die was the more interesting take in last jedi, but mark Hamill fought with the director saying this is not in his character.
- Number 7 Chewie Didn't hug Leia right after Han died, and he didn't go berserk when han died, like i wanted to see him toss troopers in that pit, and tear an arm off at least!
- Number 6 The last Jedi starts where Force awakens left off, you can blame JJ for that, had he not done that we could have skipped some time, you know like the other movies did.
- Number 5 Everyone keeps talking on walkie talkies, i know they got some other name, But its gotta be an Abrams thing.
- Number 4 The Light saber where the fuck? like how? it got cut off with lukes hand on cloud city, and it fell into a gas giant planet... like it was gone, but Abrams wanted her to use lukes daddys blue lightsaber, not that cool green one Luke made and was last scene with. Also what is Maz kanada?
- Number 3 The Casino Planet, WHY? it made me cringe, it looked like the prequels, Why couldn't Finn and Rose just storm the ship themselves? It would have been more fun and then it wouldn't have been a shock when Captain Plasma showed up? Shes the new bobba fett of these films cause she looks aesthetically cool, but has no substance... well not enough anyway.
- Number 2 That bombing run in The Last Jedi is stupid! what happened to y wings... they are fast and they got bombs?
- Number 1 Made The Last Jedi Run time way to long I blame that slow space chase scene, it makes no sense, but star wars is more fantasy than reality i get that, doesn't mean it didn't suck and takes you out of the film.
Top Ten Things the New Star wars Did Right!
- Number 10 Biggerer ships and bases, the empire was all about over compensating, and so is the First Order, so it fits really well
- Number 9 The Last Jedi Gives the middle finger to The Force Awakens on a lot of stuff, Kylo rens outfit gone, poes X wing gone, reys hair and parents GONE! Luke giving a dam GONE! the big bad villain snoke GONE! your daddy's light saber GONE!
- Number 8 Finn and Rey, I wanna see more of there adventures
- Number 7 That killing Snoke scene
- Number 6 Han solo, Harrison ford wanted his character to die in back in Empire, it was a real passing of the touch in Force Awakens, and is death even thou i guessed it was coming, was still shocking.
- Number 5 Kylo Ren this bitchy little Vader wannabe fits perfectly, hes all kinds of messed up and you do feel some remorse for him.
- Number 4 Rey everyone calls her a Mary sue, but shes just a sad little girl that got abandoned on a planet of greedy monsters, she just wants a friend, and to find out who her parents are, that she means something to someone and belongs in this universe.
- Number 3 BB8 hes cute and they need to do more stuff with him, bill hader of SNL is his voice
- Number 2 Light saber battles, when they happen they have meaning, like the forest fight in Force awakens snow falls on the blade and it burns, and the only lights are the swords.
- Number 1 That Light speed Kamikaze (could have happened sooner) But it was stunning
Derp